Are You Living in the State of Denial? I have been.

You know, living in the state of Denial (our 51st state?) is not a bad place to be. It is peaceful there. Reality doesn't bother you......, well, except for those nagging thoughts in the back of your mind that just won't go away, but they are easy to ignore, at least for a while. You can do what you want, just keep denying, denying, denying.

Yep. That was me. For a long time, actually. What was I denying? Well, if you remember, I am diabetic. I was diagnosed over two years ago. I have never taken diabetic medicine, just 'controlled' it with my diet. Yea, right.

It was easy for me to convince myself that I really wasn't diabetic, because many times I tested my blood sugar and had normal readings. Soooo I began to eat whatever I wanted, and I quit testing. The State of Denial.

I'm not sure what made me decide to emerge from my extended vacation in that state. Perhaps it was because I had decided to get tests done, mammogram, colonoscopy, endoscopy, pap, etc. I don't know.

Anyway, I bought some test strips. The ones I had had expired...... I tested my blood sugar. It was 167. Not horrible, but not good. I tested my husband's blood sugar. He had eaten exactly the same thing I had eaten four hours earlier. His was 116. Sigh. I could deny it no longer.

If I wanted to be healthy, I had to realistically face, accept, and deal with this disease. Yep. I had to change my address from the State of Denial to the State of Reality.

How Do You Begin Again?

Well, it has become necessary to once again begin at the beginning of yet another weight loss journey. Sigh. Once again. Once again. The truth, the hard truth is that those of us who have weight challenges will be battling it off and on all our lives. Right? When we are not battling it, then we are losing the war. At least that has been my experience. When my guard is down, when I think I don't need to worry about my weight, when I think that one slice of chocolate cake doesn't matter, well, that is when I am gaining and losing, instead of losing and winning!
It will soon become evident that not only does my health, but my very life is dependent upon controlling what and how much I eat. More on this in another post.
It is time to face the hard truth and deal with it. How about you? Do you also have 'hard truth' to face? Nothing is to be gained (except weight) by ignoring what you don't want to face. Let's get real....get tough...get rid of what is holding us down. More to come.

Gaining and Losing

Yes. It has been a long time since I have written a new post. I can find all kinds of excuses for not writing. I have been busy. I haven't had anything new to write. My mind has been on other things. I could make a case for the validity of each of those excuses. The truth, however, is that none of these excuses are the real reason I have for not writing.

The reason I have not written is because I lost my focus and began to gain weight again. Now I have not gained a lot, but the number of pounds I have gained is not the critical issue. The fact that instead of me being in control of the food I eat, I have begun to allow my compulsion to overeat reign once again.

As my weight has gained, I have begun to lose. I have lost a stable blood sugar. Yep, I can feel it. It was about 10:00 this morning and I could feel my blood sugar begin to drop. My hands got shaky. I had a hard time concentrating on my tasks at hand. Fortunately I was able to get something to eat before the symptoms of low blood sugar got too bad. The point - - I do not have problems with fluctuations in my blood sugar when I am eating correctly!

I have traded the good feelings about myself when I am in control of food, for feelings of guilt and self condemnation when food is in control of me.

I have lost the fun of going to my closet and asking myself, "What fits now?" Instead, I am wearing the same old things. Not fun.

I have lost the thrill of writing about losing another pound and sharing with you the thrill of a new victory when I overcame temptation to overeat one more time.

I totally hate writing these things to you. However, I know that being willing to admit a problem, is the first step towards solving it. I also know that I am probably not alone is this dilemma. Perhaps my struggles here, my ups and downs, my defeats and victories will in some way be a source of strength and inspiration to some of you who might be reading this blog.

The one thing I am not going to do, my friends, is 'throw in the towel' and give up. Because giving up is true defeat and the loss of hope for one day being a healthy weight. Oh, no. Instead of quitting, I am going to keep working and fighting. . . and writing.

In my next post, I am going to explore some of the reasons that may have contributed to my loss of focus.

Virtual Makeover, Anyone?

That's right. On my personal Mary Kay website you can do a virtual makeover! You can choose a model whose skin and hair color most nearly matches your own and virtually try different glamour looks, designed by our professional makeup artists, on this model. Great fun!!!

But wait! That's not all! Now you can upload a pic of yourself and then virtually try those same glamour looks on your photo! You can even try different hair styles. Totally amazing! I played with it a couple of days ago and fount it to be a wonderful tool for 'trying' new colors before you buy.

Of course all the products are available for sale from my 'store' and can be ordered off my website. Then I'll ship them to you asap.

But wait! There's more! In addition to the virtual makeover, you can register for a trip to New York City, as well as a secondary prise of a filled compact which be given away every day from now till July 6.

Yes, our Mary Kay websites are great places to visit. So log on now. Do a virtual makeover. Register for the sweepstakes. Learn some great tips for skin care and color application.
See you online!

www.marykay.com/dfoster1

Confession Time

It is not and has never been my desire to present to you the idea that my desire to control my eating and lose weight is always perfectly headed in the right direction. On the contrary, I want to be transparent with you, my readers. I want you to know that gaining my desired weight loss is a struggle for me. I am no different than anyone else with overeating problems. I just happen to write about my struggles on the internet for everyone to see!

The last couple of weeks I have been working at home, doing transcription from my computer. I am sitting at my desk for many many hours a day. There are many things I enjoy about this work. I enjoy the quietness of it. I enjoy not spending money to get to get to work.

My problem is that I am not eating less to correspond with my decrease in physical activity. Therefore, the scales have not gone down anymore. In fact I have gained a couple of pounds. Sigh.

Please understand that I have not given up on losing weight. I am still struggling with it and always will. The defeat will come when I quit struggling because a lack of struggle means that I have given up. I am not ever giving up. As long as I keep struggling, then I have a hope of winning that ability to wear my 'skinny clothes ' again!!!

She's Lookin' Great!

Yes, she is! One of my dear friends, has gastric bypass surgery several months ago and she has lost 65 pounds so far! I am so very proud of her. We talked about what fun it is to be able to get into smaller size clothes. She has lost enough now that she is having to buy more clothes! WoooHooo!
Gastric bypass is not for everyone and it is certainly not the cure for obesity. However, for some people it is an important piece of the puzzle. If you are considering such a procedure, it is my suggestion that before you make your decision, do some serious soul searching about why you are obese in the first place. Get very real with yourself. Ask yourself and answer the hard questions. Get counseling if necessary.
Be prepared to deal with the emotional issues before you decide about surgery. Then if you decided to proceed with gastric bypass or lap band surgery, don't put it off any longer than you have to. Procrastination only allows your obese condition to do further permanent damage to your body. If your gonna do it, then do it as soon as possible.

The Trill of Victory and the Agony of Defeat

Bet you thought this post was going to be about sports. Well, as a life long struggler with the challenge of being an emotional overeater, I have had thrills and felt agony often. In fact, almost every meal ends with one of those emotions. If I quit eating when I am full, then I have won and I experience the 'thrill of victory'. On the other hand, when I allow the food to control me, then I have lost the battle, and feel the 'agony of defeat'.

Fortunately, this last year has been one of more victories than defeats! Yes, my weight loss has been slow, but I decided that I am comparing myself with no one and I will win this race on my own terms and in my own way. Since using Paul McKenna's Golden Rules, it has been easier to stay on track and for that I am very grateful.