After spending a couple of days at home, I am now back with my grandmother who is still in the hospital. We have had some very 'rough sledding', but right now she seems to be stable. The doctor is challenging her digestive system with liquid feeding down the NG tube in her nose. I told Mom that we are checking to make sure her plumbing system is working.
As I was making the 1 1/2 hour drive from my home to the hospital, I began to realize that during my stay with her, I need to help her begin to understand that she will not be able to go back home and also to understand that there is a time when she will need to quit fighting and allow death to come.
Oh, this will be hard. I think it will be harder than talking about death with my parents. I'm not sure why, but it will.
So far, I have not lost control of my diet. I have done NO emotional eating. My addiction lion is firmly under control. So far. This walk down the path of saying good by to my grandmother is not over, and I may one day suddenly decide to seek comfort in some sugar filled, carb filled foods. I hope not, but you never know. I am not perfect.
Tomorrow I want to talk about what happens next if indeed I do 'fall off the wagon'.
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