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Thursday, October 11, 2018

No Stress Eating Here....Not This Time!

It has been a few weeks since I last posted.  All is still going well with me, but my husband has been through some difficult and somewhat scary medical situations.  He is fine now, well, almost fine. Soon he will be back up to speed and probably even better than before everything went awry.

A medical crisis for my husband meant a huge amount of stress for me.  When I began this style of eating (conscious eating; stopping when I get full), I wondered if I would be able to maintain it during times of crisis, because historically I have been a huge stress eater.  I would eat everything I could to deal with stress and emotion.  The buzz phrase right now is "eating my feelings". Yep. That would be me. So, how would I handle conscious eating when my stress hormones and emotions are through the roof?

Well, good news. I had no problems, well, almost no problems, eating consciously during this time.  I simply ate till I was full then stopped.  The difficult time came between meals, because I would want to nibble even though I wasn't hungry.  I remember one day when I went to the kitchen pantry, opened the door and stood there about to reach for 'nibbling' food.  I had to say to myself in a rather firm mental voice, "Get out of the kitchen. You are not hungry!"  Yep. And it worked. I left the kitchen and didn't return till it was time to prepare the next meal.

This is working for me. Every day. In every way.  I plan to continue.  Till next time, friends, Remember, if you are full, stop eating. Save the left overs for another meal, or throw them in the trash!

Friday, September 21, 2018

Shopping In My Own Closet - A Big Win

It was pure fun.  It had been years since I had even thought about trying on those clothes.  You know which ones.  The ones gathering dust in my closet because they have been too small. Too tight to button, zip, pull up, or pull over.  You might have some of those types of clothes also.  I have called them my "hope so" clothes, but a year ago I began to think of them as my "probably not" clothes.  Now they are my "more than likely" clothes.  Some of them are currently my "hip! hip! hooray! They fit!" clothes.

Trying them on was loads of fun. Especially making trip after trip to the room where my husband was sitting to model yet another outfit that once again fits great and is to be moved into my current wardrobe. 

Yea! Another win that I am enjoying because I have lost.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

It All Worked Out Just Fine

So today my husband and I went to an Italian restaurant after church. This restaurant serves absolutely delicious meals. We decided to order a pizza - meat lovers with black olives and mushrooms. Yum.

While we were waiting, our server brought us some soft, warm, to-die-for, garlic bread. Two servings of them. Oh my. I knew if I ate the bread, I would not be hungry for pizza, and I really, really wanted to enjoy eating the pizza.

What to do? What to do? I knew if I took that first bite of the bread, there would no stopping until I had eaten the whole thing. Well, I did it. I took one bite and then another and another. I nibbled till it was gone. Yep. I did.  That first bite.......was at the same time too many and not enough.

When the pizza came, I honestly didn’t know how much I would be able to eat.  It looked and smelled wonderful. I chose the smallest slice of pizza on the tray, and started eating. Oh my, the flavor did not disappoint. It was great. Oh, man. After a few bites, I realized that I was already getting full. I ate about three quarters of my slice and moved my plate to the end of the table.

We asked for a ‘to go’ box, and as soon as my husband finished eating, we put the left over pizza in it. Enough pizza for at least two meals.

Yeah! Victory! I ate my bread and some pizza too, without the guilt feelings of overeating.

Friday, September 7, 2018

Just Throw It Away

I was raised with the 'starving children in China'.  Can anyone else relate? Were you made to feel ashamed if you didn't eat everything on your plate? Oh my. If you didn't "clean your plate", then your leftovers will have to be tossed into the trashcan, thereby, causing some child in China to be denied food. Yes. That was me. My wonderful well meaning grandfather that I love dearly was the one who guilted me into eating and eating until my plate was empty and my stomach was too full.

It's understandable, and I don't fault him for it at all. He was a raised in a very poor household, and he was a young father during the depression, trying to care for a wife and small child.  Wasting food, or anything for that matter was considered sinful.  He managed to bestow that same value (for better or worse) on his oldest granddaughter (me).

Therefore, when I go to a restaurant, because I know that I will not be able to eat all of the food I order, I tend to order only things that I can easily carry home to save for later.  For example, I don't order sandwiches because I know that if I have to take part of it home for a later meal, the bread on a sandwich will get soggy. Yuck.

What naturally thin people know is that the starving children in China are not nourished by our leftovers, and throwing away food is not a sin.  They can just do it and attach no emotion whatsoever. They Just Throw It Away.

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Those Restaurants.......

So my son and I had a conversation a few days ago about ‘conscious eating’ as a way to loose weight. This style of eating has helped me lose more than thirty pounds. I’m more than pleased with these results, and will never (yes, I know that ‘never’ is a word you should never use, but I’m using it because I feel strongly about this) eat impulsively again.

Back to the conversation.......He mentioned those restaurants. You know, the ones that bring you chips and salsa or a mini loaf of bread and butter, or mouth watering garlic cheese rolls before your meal. You’ve already ordered your meal, and then they immediately bring you something that’s sure to destroy whatever good intentions you had of eating only till you’re full. It’s not at all fair.

My husband and I were at one of those restaurants last week. We were celebrating my birthday. I could have splurged, because, you know, we were celebrating. But I chose not to.  When they brought that freshly baked loaf and butter to our table, I chose to only eat a tiny slice, and then wait for my meal, because I wanted to enjoy my steak and baked potato, which was more important to me than filling up on bread. I was happy with my choice. That steak was great.

Anyway, back to the topic. Choices have to be made. Priorities must be decided and set. We can’t eat it all, and then expect to look like one of those naturally slender people.  Most of the time they don’t eat it all either. How does a thin person handle this kind of situation? Most likely they will eat a few chips or a small amount of bread, to save room for their meal.

But but but what if those garlicy, cheesey rolls just keep ‘calling your name’ while you’re waiting for your food, and you can’t, can’t stop eating them? You know what? If that happens, it’s ok! If you eat too many of those ‘to die for’ rolls, and you’re not hungry when the meal arrives, it’s ok! Just ask for a carry out box and know that your meal will taste great later!

It’s all ok! This is all about enjoying the food that we want, but doing so in a way that will help us become one of those ‘naturally thin’ people.



Friday, August 17, 2018

30 Pounds! 30 Pounds! I’ve Lost 30 Pounds!

Yes! Yes! Yes!!! It does feel good to know that my efforts at every meal are paying off. To see the number on the scales go down slowly, but steadily, is very rewarding. I seem to be losing about five pounds a month. Yes, that is a slow rate compared to many other diets, but I’m fine with it. My body has a chance to adjust to the changes that are a result of being a smaller (ok, less heavy) weight. My blood pressure is gradually getting better, my diabetes is more controlled, and my knees don’t hurt as much, to name just a few of the changes. A rapid weight loss would not allow for those gradual adjustments.

Anyway, I’m happy. Very happy.

Monday, August 13, 2018

Big plate vs. Small Plate

I have read many articles/books over the years on the topic of weight loss. Some were technical, almost scientific in the presentation of its information. Others were more relaxed and informal in style and syntax. Most contained, in addition to whatever diet plan it was sharing, tips, hacks, if you will, about how to make dieting seem easier.

One of the tips/hacks often mentioned is to use small plates and bowls when eating. Smaller dishes give the impression that the portions of food on them appear larger than they would on larger dishes. That way you will believe that you’re eating more food than you actually are.

And that is fine unless you are at a church dinner, for example, where only large plates are available. If you are not supplying your own small dishes, then you are staring at a large plate with a small amount of food on it.

I have though about this dilemma several times and come to this conclusion. I will always use regular sizes, not small, plates and bowls for my personal dining on a daily basis. There is no point in coddling/deceiving myself into thinking that I have larger portions on my plate than I do.   I have gotten used to looking at small portions on a regular sized plate and in a regular sized bowl, and it no longer bothers me. I can finish my ‘tiny’ portions, and if I’m full, then my meal is over.

I encourage each of us, to be strong.  Look at things as they are. It is not necessary to make ourselves feel better by looking at small dishes with small portions on them. Come on. We can handle this. Let’s just do it.

Monday, August 6, 2018

The New Rule Is........

That was one of my ways of letting my children know that something needed to change as they were growing up.  I would say, "The new rule is...." and I immediately had their attention.  Most of the time whatever needed to change got changed once I made that declaration.

So now I continue to use that phrase with myself (not my husband) when a change needs to be made, and most of the time, I have my immediate attention and whatever needs to be changed gets changed.  Well, not always, you understand, but most of the time.

So to myself and my readers, here is the new rule.......whenever you lose weight......don't allow yourself to gain it back. Period. No reason for overeating is good enough to make you once again face the battle you have just fought.

My desire is to fight this battle, to walk this path, to win this war for the last time.  Never again do I want to have to get out my 'fat' clothes and wear them. Never again do I want to wonder if I'm crowding the poor soul sitting next to me on an airplane. Never again do I want to feel self conscious in a group picture because I'm the heaviest one there.  No way. No how, Once I reach my goal (and I have a loooonnnnng way to go) I'm not going back.

Instead I want to look forward to all the things I will have won by losing all this weight.  I think I will write a few posts about some of the things we can look forward to winning when we have lost our extra weight.

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

A Defining Moment

Wonderful family event. Wonderful family celebration.  Wonderful food. Wonderful times in life. However, these wonderful moments are major challenges for people who are emotional over eaters like me. There was stress and emotion involved with the preparation phase of this family event which also added to the mix of eating temptations.
I did not blow my new style of eating out of the water one time during this momentous occasion, but there were a few extra bites here and there that compromised my dieting standards somewhat. A few bites of cake and wonderful homemade Brazilian candy. Oh, it was delicious.
The good news is that I know I can keep my diet reasonably intact during good times, those special moments. As life goes back to normal after this, in many ways, defining occasion, I have more confidence in my ability to not completely lose control, to stay the course, and to keep on winning by losing.

Saturday, July 14, 2018

25 Pounds! 25 Pounds! I’ve Lost 25 Pounds!

Yep! Another milestone reached! I’m so excited! It’s been just over a month since I reached my 20 pound loss, 36 days to be exact. About 1 pound/week. That’s ok with me  Because I am now in the senior citizen category, I don’t need this weight loss to be quick.  I want my body to have time to adjust to the changes as my weight goes down.  My blood pressure is improving already. In a few days I’ll have regular blood work done and I’ll let you know if my numbers (cholesterol, triglycerides, A1C, etc) are better.

For today, I’m going to bask in the glory of another milestone reached, and go shopping for clothes. In a smaller size, of course! I love winning when I have lost!

Saturday, July 7, 2018

The Challenges and Rewards Continue.....

My husband and I went out to eat last night. We don't eat out often, so this was a real treat for us.  We went to an Italian restaurant; a place we had never been.  The food was delicious. I ordered veal toscana, which is veal with vegetables smothered in an unbelievably delicious sauce over angel hair spaghetti. The portion size was quite large.  Our meal also came with yummy, yummy, yummy garlic yeast rolls.  Oh my.  What's a girl to do? So much wonderful food. So little room in my tummy. 

I decided to eat slowly, enjoying every bite. It didn't take long. I began to feel full after having eaten only about a quarter of my meal.  Everything within me wanted to keep eating, and truthfully, I did take four or five bites too much, before I was able to 'wrestle' my desires to eat anyway to the ground and ask for a carry out container.

I had to make myself think about the fact that this succulent meal will taste just a good for lunch today as it did last night.  In fact, it will taste better because I won't be full while I'm eating it.  There is enough food left from me to have about 3 more meals. Yum!!!!

Mental gymnastics.  That's it.  It's all about how I allow things food related to be framed in my mind.  I think this is one of the major components to food control in our lives. Anyway I made it through another challenging moment and have delicious leftovers today as a reward!

Monday, July 2, 2018

Beware the Cloaked Torpedo

Today my son and I were texting. He mentioned something about losing weight then not rewarding yourself by eating a hamburger or a pizza.  Your reward, he said, is the number on the scales and how you feel.

Rewarding ourselves with “cheater” foods is nothing more than a cloaked torpedo that will destroy our momentum and best intentions within minutes and bites. Whatever good we have done for ourselves is doomed to sink to the bottom of the ocean of best intentions we sail on daily. Beware the cloaked torpedo.




Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Another Win Because I Have Lost

Today I wore a pair of capri  pants that I had not worn in a couple of years.  I put them on and not only did they look good, but they felt good as well.  Now that's another win!

Monday, June 25, 2018

No One. Not One Single Person Has Noticed That I Have Lost Weight!

That's right. I'm almost 23 pounds down now and no one has commented on my weight loss, well, except my wonderful husband.  He's been great.  However, you'd think that someone else might notice!  Is anyone with me on this? Are you having the same experience/frustration?

The truth is though that I'm not frustrated about it. I'm aware of it, of course, but not upset or even surprised.

First of all, people are involved in their own lives. Yes, that makes us sound very self centered and self focused, and it's true.  We're not always quickly aware of changes in the lives of our friends and even family, unless those changes are very noticeable or significant, which brings me to my second point.

Secondly, the more weight you have to lose, the more more you have to lose before it become noticeable to other people. Yes, I wrote that right.  Because I my current weight loss only lost about a third of my goal, it is not great enough right now for friends and family to notice.

Thirdly, That's really ok.  I have decided to not let it bother me, because I know that one day my weight loss will be obvious enough that everyone who knows me, because I'll look great.  You see, the truth is that every five pounds of weight loss will show more that the five pounds before it.  So I'm just weighting (waiting).  In the meantime. I'm feeling better and enjoying wearing clothes that I knew were too tight just a couple of weeks ago.

So take heart, my fellow weight loss travelers.  Our affirmation does not ultimately come from others anyway.  It comes from within ourselves, because we know, we know, we know that we are on the right path and our rewards are personal.  No one else is responsible for them.  Let's keep on traveling!

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

The Weight Loss Continues

Life is a series of 'ups' and 'downs' with periods of 'evenness' in between.  That's just the way it is. Nothing we can do about it, and nothing we can do to change it.  Except for the problems that arise as consequences from poor decision making on our part, the only thing we have control over is the way we react to the 'ups' and 'downs'.  It is our reactions, our responses to these 'ups' and 'downs' that can, for some of us, influence our diets and eating patterns.

I am working on separating my desire to eat from my feelings.  There have been times when I find myself walking into the kitchen to get something to eat, knowing that I'm not hungry because it's only been and 'hour' since I had a meal.  That's not hunger, that's a response to feelings. Permanent weight loss will be impossible for me as long as I'm 'eating my feelings'.

Fortunately these last few weeks.....so far....every time I'm about to get something to eat, just because I'm 'feeling' it, I have stopped myself from indulging and turned around and walked out of the kitchen.

Therefore, the weight loss continues!!!!! Yea, me!!!!!

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

One and Two

As I mentioned in my last post, in my opinion there are two essential parts to being successful with conscious eating, or 'eating the way slender people eat'.  Those of us who are trying to eat consciously must consciously be aware of both parts at every meal and every snack.  Here goes:

1. Eating consciously means eating only until you are full.  I have had friends say to me, "But I don't always know when I'm full."  I understand that statement and most of my life have lived by the "I'm eating till my plate is empty" model, because I don't recognize this full feeling. 
     The truth is that our bodies will give us a signal for when enough food has been eaten during a meal.  In order to eat only until we are full, we must learn to recognize and acknowledge that signal no matter how much delicious food is still on our plate.  We must be willing to admit that it's there, even when we want to ignore the signal. 

2. Again, eating consciously requires that once you feel the signal for fullness that your body gives you, eating must stop.  In my opinion this is the hardest part, because sometimes we just don't want to stop.  Oh, man. There's still baked potato with all the trimmings on my plate. There's only half a slice of garlic toast left; surely I can eat that. That won't be much. In order to do this with integrity, you must stop eating once you feel that full signal.  If the food left on your plate can't be saved for whatever reason, it goes in the trash.  That's hard if you were raised with the starving children in China, as I was.  However, no matter what, conscious eating is not conscious eating, and you will never be slender, unless you are willing to throw good food in the trash.  It is a difficult, but critical lesson to learn.

Yes. This is hard.  But you know, so is living with knee problems, diabetes, back issues, heart problems, and a myriad of other health issues that are caused by being overweight.  Those of us who live our lives with too much girth can give you a list of ways that said girth has affected the way we live.  We choose our challenges. We choose our rewards.  Let's choose wisely. 

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Two Parts, Both Essential

Ok, so today I had a small bowl of left over spaghetti for lunch. It tasted great, and my intention was to eat some watermelon after I finished the spaghetti.  Well, when my bowl was empty, I was full, but I still wanted the watermelon. No matter what, I wanted the watermelon.  I love watermelon.  Nothing was going to keep me from my serving of watermelon.....

I put some watermelon in a bowl and sat down at the table, still feeling the fullness that came after eating the spaghetti, but dadgumit, I wanted to eat the watermelon.  I ate about three bites, and then I decided that the watermelon would taste better in the middle of the afternoon as a snack.  I put it back in the refrigerator to save for later.  There.  I felt better.  I didn't over eat, nor did I deprive myself. I'm looking forward to some delicious watermelon in a couple of hours.

Conscious eating (eating the way slender people eat) has two major components that are essential to the success of this plan.  Naturally slender people don't think about this.  They do both parts, uh, naturally.  Those of us who are challenged in the area of controlling our food intake must consciously be aware of and be compliant with both components.

Next post: A discussion of the two components.

Monday, June 11, 2018

This War is Not Won in a Day, a Week, or Even a Lifetime, But It Is Worth Fighting

There are some problems that are easily solvable. You can flip a switch, replace a valve, write a letter, make a phone call, or any number of easily done things, and boom; that problem is solved. Some problems/challenges/wars are harder to solve and take longer to get the job done. Those might require a series of battles that have to be met head-on and dealt with on a number of occasions. These might include health issues, relationship issues, as well as work issues or a variety of problems.

Those of us who have weight issues have a different sort of problem.  This type of challenge is more akin to drug and alcohol addiction than anything else, in my opinion.  This problem/war lasts a lifetime and is never, ever won.  However, please do not be discouraged.  It is a war worth fighting.  Getting control of my eating approximately 3 months ago has made a huge difference in the way I feel, as well as the way I now view food. It has also altered my eating habits.

I realize that eating like a thin person might one day make me a thin person.  Won't that be awesome! I further realize that if I quit eating like a thin person, I will never, ever have a chance of being thin. 

If anyone reading this blog, (and I thank you for being one of my readers) can relate to my food battles, please take heart.  This takes work. No one can force you into anything when it comes to food.  You must decide for yourself and for your own reasons.  Please consider stepping into the eating world of thin people.  Eat what you want, but eat only when you are hungry, and eat only till you feel full.  That's it!

Friday, June 8, 2018

20 Pounds! 20 Pounds! I've Lost 20 Pounds!!!

Yes, a milestone has been reached.  In terms of weight loss, those numbers that end in a 5 or 0 are significant.  It has taken me about 12 weeks to reach this level. I can do the math and figure out how much longer it will take me to reach my overall goal, but right now I just want to enjoy the moment and be reminded that consistently doing good things in small ways, in seemingly insignificant ways eventually leads to large, significant differences in our lives.

Yes. Yes. Thank you for your congratulations.

Now, on to the next 20 pounds. I got this.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Too Stressed to Eat? I Wish!

I have a precious friend who is one of those naturally thin people. Always has been. Always will be.  Naturally thin.  We were talking about stress one day, and I shared with her the problem I have always had with overeating when I'm stressed or when I've been through something traumatic like the death of a family member.  I remember quite well her reply, "Oh, not me.  When I get stressed, I can't eat." Really. Too stressed to eat.  What a concept! When I get stressed, I want a hamburger, no, a bacon cheeseburger.  Who's with me on this?

I was reminded of our conversation a couple of days ago. In the middle of the afternoon I found myself in the kitchen looking for something to eat.  I'm only allowing myself to eat certain things for snacks between meals. A handful of nuts, a banana, or an apple.  On this day I didn't want any of those things, and I really wasn't hungry.  It had not been long since I had eaten, and I knew hunger was not the reason I was in the kitchen.  I was just stressed for some reason.  I was feeling the stress, not hunger.

This has been a dilemma all my life. I have covered it in previous posts from an emotional angle. I've heard it described as 'eating my feelings'. Obviously as a 'conscious eater' I can't be governed by my feelings when I eat.  I must be guided and controlled simply by whether or not I am truly hungry. 

As I have written about these challenges that are ever present, serving as pot holes and speed bumps on my weight loss journey, I have also tried to write about a strategy that I plan to implement to assist me in dodging these obstacles.  My strategy for this dilemma of the desire, the compulsion to eat when I am stressed, is simply to borrow and modify my friend's reply, "Eat? Oh no, I can't possible eat. I'm too stressed right now."  I'll let you know how well it works. ;-) 

Monday, June 4, 2018

My Forever Challenge? Popcorn?!?!

So I have been doing very well with this weight loss approach ("the eating only till I get full" approach). Yesterday my husband and I ate lunch at a Chinese cafe with friends. I ate about a third of my broccoli beef and rice meal, and then I was full. The rest went home with me and will be eaten in the next day or two.  I'm so looking forward to those delicious leftovers.  Yes. That is working out fine and is not hard at all.

Well, last night my husband and I were watching a movie, and he said, "Would you like some popcorn?"  We love to make popcorn. We have an old, old popcorn maker that we bought at a thrift store for $5, and we are getting more than our money's worth from it. We enjoy the popcorn from it much more that microwave popcorn.  The problem? I have no stopping place when I eat popcorn.  My husband make a lot of popcorn last night and I ate my share and more.  I got full and kept on eating simply because there was more popcorn to eat.  Needless to say, my weight was not at 'a new low' this morning when I stepped on the scales. :-////

I have always loved popcorn.  I have often said, "How much popcorn can/will I eat?  However much popcorn there is!" Not great grammar, but you get the idea.  I can/will eat it with or without salt, and butter. I can/will eat it air popped or oil popped. I can/will eat it microwaved or popped in our wonderful old popper. 

Yep. I must admit it. Popcorn is a problem for me. I asked my husband to please make half as much popcorn the next time. I think that will be the best solution for me.  If there is only a small amount of  popcorn available, then I will only be able to eat a small amount! Right? See, problem solved. Unless I decide to make a second 'batch'.   ;-/

Sunday, June 3, 2018

This Morning’s Fun

Definition of fun when I’m losing weight: trying on clothes that were too small a couple of months ago and finding that now they fit! Yep. I actually had a larger choice of outfits to wear to church this morning. Standing in front of a mirror, changing from one outfit to another, and deciding which one I wanted to wear to church was pure fun! Winning by losing!


Thursday, May 31, 2018

Checking In

It’s been a few days since I have posted to this blog, but things have been going very well in the world of eating only till I feel full (conscious eating). I must say that this is probably the easiest diet that I have ever tried.  I’m not fixing any special food for myself. I’m eating the things I like and want. I don’t really feel deprived. And the pounds are slowly, but surely disappearing! My formerly tight jeans are now almost too loose to wear.

The truth is though that the only way I will ever be able to maintain a smaller jeans size is to maintain now and forevermore a conscious style of eating. I must never look at a plate full of food and decide to eat it all, full or not. I must always be aware of whether or not I have reached the “full level” of my tummy gauge.

It’s not complicated. It’s not even hard, when compared to things in life that are truly difficult. One of the best parts is that my future self with thank me one day.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

To Exercise or Not To Exercise, That is the Question

In none of my recent posts have I discussed exercise. Yep. Exercise. For a naturally non athletically inclined” person, exercise is not something I eagerly do. It takes time. I have to work it into my already “busy” retirement schedule.  It’s lots of trouble. I have to keep my gym bag gym ready. If I already have makeup on before I go to the gym, I have to take it off then reapply it after exercising. Yada. Yada. Yada. I can find a million (ok. Maybe that’s an exaggeration) excuses for not exercising.

I have at times in my life been a regular exerciser, but for me currently, the discipline of eating with the proper control and restraint is a higher priority. Eating too much can and does easily negate the benefits of regular exercise. “You can’t out exercise a bad diet.” (Biggest Loser quote.”) Therefore, I am focusing on conscious eating rather than disciplined, regular exercising.

That said, I am exercising. Lap swimming is my exercise of choice. I love to swim. I lap swim for an hour; 1200 yards. My goal is to swim two to three times a week. If the pool at my gym is full, my second choice is the elliptical, on which I also spend an hour. Exercising is serious business for me. I go in, get it done, and get on with my day. Retired people are very busy, you know.

I don’t really have a choice about whether or not to exercise, because it is critical to keeping my blood pressure under control. If I miss a couple of weeks in the pool, my blood pressure jumps up 20 points, and I feel lousy. Soooooo I keep doing it.

So I believe exercise is important because of the health benefits, and I tend to put it in the same category as medicine. I just take it. I just do it. That said, I am always happy and feel great once my exercise sessions are done.


Monday, May 21, 2018

After almost 10 weeks of conscious eating, and 16 pounds of weight loss, I’m finally beginning to get comfortable with the adjustment in the size of food servings that I put on my plate.  In other words, I’m getting accustomed to and being satisfied with seeing my plate empty rather than completely full. If I put less food on my plate, then I have less food to throw away, therefore a “smaller” decision to make when I get full.

A couple of nights ago, I was enjoying a small baked potato, complete with all the trimmings, when I realized that I was almost full.  Uggg. I didn’t want to stop eating my potatoe. However,  I knew that if I continued to eat from everything on my plate, I would be full before soon, and not be able to finish the potato. My decision was to ignore everything else on my plate and finish my baked potato (complete, with all the trimmings). Yep. That’s what I did. And I was happy!


Thursday, May 17, 2018

My Life Long Dieting Challenge

Another  challenge. This has been a dieting difficulty all my life,  and so far with this particular eating style, it has not been a serious problem. However, the circumstances that set up this challenge for me has not yet arisen. Yet.......

I am a serious stress eater. When I am stressed about something, my desire, my natural instinct is to eat, and eat a lot.

I first realized seriousness of my stress eating when both my parents had stage 4 cancer at the same time. During the months that they were in the hospital together, I thought about food all the time. I was continually planning where and what my next meal would be. I sought out every form of comfort food I could find. During every meal I ate till I was not just full, but stuffed. I had no control at all.

Since that time, I have eaten my way though many stressful experiences. Most of which have been family illnesses. However, the truth is that even after mildly stressful experiences, I often want a hamburger. That is not good.

Conscious eating and stress eating are not compatible. If you are doing one you can not do the other.  So far the conscious eating plan has worked quite well, and even while helping to prepare for our son’s wedding, during the wedding, and after the wedding, I never, not one time, ate beyond the full feeling in my stomach. I consider that a victory, and it gives me hope for being able to control my eating during future stressful moments.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

The Second Reward That Comes to Mind

2. After having lost almost 17 pounds now, one of the really fun rewards (wins) is to be able to look in my closet and pull out clothes that were too small just a few weeks ago. I try them on and say to myself either, “Ok. This will fit soon because it’s not a tight as it was.” Or “Yea, this fits now! I think I’ll wear it today!”.

With worthwhile challenges come worthwhile rewards.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Oh, Yea. One More Challenge

There is another challenge I have had to face since making the decision to change my eating style. I almost forgot about it because, well, truthfully it’s not much of a problem right now.  I will never say that I have conquered this or any other challenge, because thinking I have victory when it comes to food, is for me the moment when defeat becomes a reality. 

4. In previous days, I would nibble and “graze” while cooking meals. Then I would eat the meal, and then nibble and “graze” again while cleaning up afterwards. It was almost like I was eating three meals instead of one. That is an eating problem.
      During approximately the last 8 weeks, I have gained more and more control over this nibbling, grazing challenge. I know that if I eat anything just before a meal, then I will actually be eating less during the meal, because I will get full faster.  I don’t want that to happen, so I “save room” for my meal by not eating anything beforehand. This alone has made a huge difference is my weight.  

Friday, May 11, 2018

All Worthwhile Challenges Have Worthwhile Rewards

     My last three posts have been about challenges I face as I continue to practice and continue to learn this new eating skill.  As I move my writing past the challenges, I am reminded that all worthwhile challenges also come with worthwhile rewards.  Hence, "Winning by Losing" is an appropriate name for my blog.  Hmmmm. So what are some of the rewards that emerge from facing and conquering these challenges?

1. One of the first things I have noticed is that my food 'wants' have changed.  Eating a large hamburger and french fries does not sound good to me at all.  Perhaps a small, kid sized hamburger might occasionally be appealing. (Notice: perhaps, might, and occasionally?)
     I continue to think about food a lot, but not in the same way as before.  For example, I know what we are having for dinner - turkey chili, home made.  However, I am not thinking about having a giant bowl of chili at all.  I just want a small bowl with a small serving, and I will be very happy.  I plan to enjoy every bite, because it does taste great (yes, I made it).  However, once I am full, I will stop eating, and what's left of my chili will either be covered up and saved for another meal, or will go in the trash.  That's it.  Done. And I'm happy.  That, my friends, is a reward.     

By the way, my weight is now down 16 pounds since I started on this particular leg of my weight loss journey.

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Another Challenge?!?

3. I have read that it is best if we eat 10 servings of fruits and vegetables a day. Before I changed my eating style, I ate fruit at almost every meal, and a couple of servings of vegetables and a salad at lunch and dinner. Now I am eating fewer and smaller servings of fruits and vegetables because I get full. Even though I’m losing weight, my diet might be as nutritious as before. Hmmmmm. For example, today I have eaten no servings of fruits and vegetables. I just know that there is no way I can eat 10 servings a day, especially if a serving is considered to be about a half cup. That would be 5 cups of food. I’m not eating that much food in a day.

This is my solution to the issue. It might not be the best, but it’s all I’ve got right now. No fruits and vegetables all day is not acceptable, so here’s what needs to happen. I must make sure that I include at least one fruit and one vegetable at every meal, even if it’s only a fourth cup. Then I can at least get a few bites of each in before I get full. There ya go. Problem solved.

Monday, May 7, 2018

Next Challenge

2. My cooking style needs to change.  I have always cooked family sized meals.  Before my children were born, While they were growing up at home. After they left home and its just my husband and I.  I have always cooked family sized meals.  Then we were would have leftovers for another meal or two.  Well, now with me eating much less than I have previously done, these leftovers are being 'left over' for more than a couple of meals, and we are eventually throwing them away.  Since I am so 'old school' about the starving children in China, and since I hate wasting food that costs so much, throwing away food is very difficult for me.  Therefore, something must change.  Either I must start cooking smaller meals, or get used to tossing leftovers in the trash.  That's my choice, because I'm not going to start eating more so that I can save those starving children or not waste money.  Nope. That's not going to happen.  Most likely I will begin do both things: cook smaller meals, and get used to throwing away leftovers. Problem solved!

Saturday, May 5, 2018

The Challenges are .......

Because nothing is perfect this side of heaven, and all positives have associated negatives, there are some challenges I face with trying to lose weight with this method.
1. The first and most challenging challenge I face at every meal is knowing when I have had enough to eat, that is, knowing when I am “full”. Previously I didn’t try to determine if I had a full feeling in my tummy to signal me that it was time to stop eating. I just ate until the food on my plate was gone. Now I must pay attention when I am eating to how my tummy feels. There are changes that happen, which turns on the “full” signal. After about 7 weeks of practicing this skill, I know when that signal is about to turn on, and I then begin to wind my meal down to a full stop.  Sometimes I don’t want to stop eating at that moment, but I also now don’t like to eat beyond that full feeling. See!?! It’s working!

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Eating Six Times a Day!?!

On TV there are often commercials about various kinds of diets. I don't need to name the diets because you have heard the commercials also and know the names as well as I do.  One of the commercials reminded me of why so many of our diets don't work.  This commercial talked about the food that can be ordered to accommodate this particular diet.  It was enough food to eat 6 times a day!  I have also heard of diets that are built around 6 small meals a day.

I totally understand the research behind this type of diet.  Eating 6 times a day does keep blood sugar leveled and keeps the dieter from becoming two hungry.  I am just concerned that our bodies get used to eating that often whether or not we're hungry.  Then if we fall off the diet, our bodies still expect food 6 times a day.  Soon we have regained whatever weight we have lost, and are back in the same place we were in before, or perhaps worse.

That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it.  :)


Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Slender Eating

My newest weight loss, as of this morning is 14.8 pounds, and my most recent blood work shows a decrease of .2 in my A1C.  Those are great wins! I'm now wearing a smaller size in my blue jeans (fortunately I still have them in my closet.) My clothes are feeling more roomy and fitting better.  All wins!

I'm headed in the right direction and that feels good also.  I encourage any of you who are have the same eating challenges I have to think about what in my opinion are two facts:
      (1) Naturally slender people generally have a certain natural 'skill', which is the skill of knowing when they have had enough to eat, and further, they have the ability to not eat once they have reach the 'full' sensation.
     (2) Naturally non-slender people do not innately have the above mentioned skill.  We will eat till the food is gone or they are 'stuffed' (you know what I mean by that), which ever comes first. We can snack even though they are not hungry. It only takes the presence of food (doesn't always have taste great either) to motive us to eat.

Because of these two facts, I believe that the only way for us (non-slender people) to become permanently slender is to practice and hopefully learn the skill of 'slender eating'. 


Monday, April 30, 2018

There's No Way I Can Actually Be Hungry!

Determining when I'm actually hungry is a challenge for me.  There are times when I have this desire to eat and I know that I can't actually be hungry because its only been a couple of hours since I last had a meal.  Sometimes I think my blood sugar may be falling, but when I test it, the result is in normal ranges.  Sometimes I know that I want to eat because I am anxious about something, and on and on. In none of these examples am I actually hungry.  Therefore in none of those examples should I be eating anything, otherwise I'll just be 'feeding' bad habits.

During the last six weeks, we have had a family wedding, and several family gatherings. There have been stressful moments and well as delightful ones. So far, I have continued to 'practice' at every meal. At my son's wedding, I allowed myself a some cake and a couple, no, a few Brazilian candies. But at no time have I had the desire to just eat and eat.

My 'want to's' are gradually changing.  I don't have the desire to eat a big hamburger or steak.  However, I am eating whatever I want for the most part.  Right now my goal is to control how much I am eating, not necessarily what I am eating.  If I want cheese on my sandwich, I'll eat cheese on my sandwich.  If I want bacon and eggs for breakfast, that's what I'll fix.  Soon I'll begin working on lower fat options, but not now.

My plan is working and so I'm going to keep workin' it.

Friday, April 27, 2018

Delay, not Deprived

It has been about six weeks since my Middle of the Night Epiphany. Since that time I have 'practiced' the skill of stopping my meal immediately when I begin to feel full every time I eat.  I have also not allowed myself to just nibble between meals, when I am not hungry. Instead I eat fruit or nuts if I really need something for a snack. As a result I have lost almost 13 pounds and am enjoying being able to wear clothes that were too snug.

There are moments every day when I have to say to myself, "NO!", as I reach for another bite of something at the end of a meal or between meals.  Long held habits are hard to break.

Often at the end of a meal, I will look st my plate and think, "But the food that's still here is yummy, and I don't want to stop!" Yea. Hard.

I was sharing with a friend about how I am changing my way of eating, and she asked me if I ever feel deprived when I don't get to eat all that I want.  Well, my answer to that has to be yes, but I don't let it bother me.  Sometimes I can put my leftover yummy food back and eat it later.

If my husband and I go out to eat, I may order a full meal and eat only a fourth of it.  I'll carry the rest home and get at least two more meals from it.  In that way I don't feel deprived, because I know that I'll be able to eat the food eventually.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

As I mentioned in my previous post, every meal is an opportunity for me to practice the skill of being able to sense when I have had enough to eat, and then being able to stop eating immediately.  I am calling it 'practice' because I have been up and down the scales enough to know that ever having my over eating issues conquered is just a delusion. It will not happen. The moments when I have begun to think that I will never be bothered by weight issues again are the moments when I've lost the battle, and the war continues. 

Therefore, I will always practice.  For the rest of my life, I will practice.  Yes, this is mental gymnastics, but I believe that is what it will take for me to attain once again, and more importantly, to maintain a healthy weight.

This all occurred during in the middle of the night about six weeks ago.  In the next post I will share how things have been going for me since then. 

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

There is Hope in Paractice.

Is it possible for someone who does not have natural artistic talent to become a painter of landscapes and still life compositions? Is it possible for someone with no natural athletic ability to learn to play tennis? Is it possible for someone who has no natural musical ability to learn to play a musical instrument? My answer to that is yes, yes, and yes.  Will these non naturally talented people be great artists, athletes, or musicians? Probably not, but I believe that with enough practice almost anyone can learn almost any skill at least to a competent level, and perhaps a proficient level.  The key here is 'enough practice', which requires dedication, consistency, desire, and work ethic.

So what does all that mean for me and all my other not naturally slender friends out there in blog land? My middle of the night musings led me to this conclusion: That the skill that naturally slender people naturally have is a skill that I can learn! With enough practice, I will eventually be able know when I am full. I will be able to tell myself when to stop eating, and then I will be able to do it!  What a concept! Here's the challenge: with enough practice.  It will require dedication, consistency, desire, and yes, work ethic.

So here's my new way of looking at my eating challenges:  Every time I sit down to a meal, I have the opportunity to practice the skill that I have been missing all my life, which is the ability to stop eating when I am full.  Practice. Practice. Practice.  Three times a day.  In between meals, I have the opportunity to practice wise snacking, not grazing.

Yes, this gave me hope and optimism for my future health.  More in the next post.  

Monday, April 23, 2018

More Middle of the Night Realizations

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am not one of those people.  Meaning, I am not naturally slender, because I do not have the natural, innate skill of knowing when I am full and need to stop eating.

Also, my middle of the night thought processing lead me to the next point: it doesn't matter what diet I am on, what I eat or don't eat.  I can eat salads and super healthy, nutritious food. I can follow the Mediterranean Diet plan, or Weight Watchers, or any other diet that can be named, and it won't matter.  Nope. It won't matter.  If I can't control the amount of food I eat on a long term basis, then whatever control a diet may give me is eventually lost, because I will just keep on eating.  Even good, healthy, nutritious  food must have a limit.  This realization actually shocked me.  But I recognized it as truth, because it is the reason that every diet I have ever been on, every attempt I have made to lose weight has been eventually followed by a weight gain that equals or exceeds any loss I may have had.

Is it any wonder that we, the not naturally slender people, get discouraged and give up? Have we been missing the most important ‘ingredient’ in our ‘dieting recipes’? I don’t know, but I do think that without this particular skill, my chance/our chances of maintaining a healthy long term weight are minuscule.

These were negative, pessimistic thoughts. My next post contains my optimistic, hopeful conclusion.

Sunday, April 22, 2018

People Who Are Naturally Slender, and Then There's Me.

In my previous post I shared an event from about 8 years ago, the meaning of which has finally begun to influence the way I approach this incredibly difficult issue of gaining weight, losing weight, and maintaining a healthy weight.

In the middle of the night the event I described in my last post came to my mind. I hadn't thought of it in years.  I began to ask myself, "Who can do that?!? Who can say, 'I'm full.', and then just stop eating?!?"  Suddenly I realized the answer, "People who are naturally slender! People who do not have weight issues! That's who."

I realized that 'naturally slender' people have a 'natural', innate skill. They do it without even thinking. They don't have to debate with themselves, or anyone else for that matter, about when to stop eating.  They just know when they are full and they stop! It's just that simple.

I further realized that those of us who have weight issues do not naturally have the above mentioned skill. You know. The skill of knowing when we're full and stopping eating right away.  Yea. That one. We don't have it.

I don't know why.  Those are thoughts for another post.

Yes, there are other reasons why naturally slender people are naturally slender.  Heredity and metabolism have a part to play in their ability to maintain a healthy weight.  Again, those are thoughts for another post.

Ok. Back to the middle of the night.  I will personalize this now.  I don't have it.  I don't naturally have the skill of knowing when I'm full and then stopping eating immediately.  It's not innate with me. Most of the time I don't stop eating until my previously food laden plate is empty.

To be continued.


Saturday, April 21, 2018

My Middle of the Night 'Epiphany'

Sometimes it takes years. Years for the true significance of an event to be realized. Yes, I finally understood the truth, the meaning of an event that happened to me about 8 years ago.

The event:  It was a regular school day. Lunchtime for teachers is a hurried moment. We get on the average about 20 minutes to eat on a good day, when you don't have to wait to use the microwave or the restroom.  I was sitting at a table with a group of other teachers, sharing a quiet, but quick moment to chat and eat.  Eating at our table was a teacher who was new to our school, and it was our first time to eat together.  She had a wonderful lunch which contained a small sandwich, chips, and fruit, raspberries, grapes, etc.  We talked and ate, enjoying out time, when she did something I had never seen before.  This teacher suddenly said, "I'm full." She took not one more bite. Instead she put away her food, and continued to visit with us until time to leave.

Outwardly, I was still smiling, visiting, and eating. Inwardly, I was shocked.  Just image. She had wonderful food.  How could she just stop eating and put it away?!? I understood what she did and why she did it, but I could not understand HOW she did it.  Stop eating just because you are full.  What a concept!

In the next post I'll discuss what this event finally came to mean in my life.

Friday, April 20, 2018

Why Don't I Just Delete this Blog?!?

Well, I have thought about it. Deleting this blog. I'm still struggling with my weight. The further I get from controlling my weight, the further away I get from this blog.  Why? I guess because I don't want to spread my weakness for food across the globe for everyone to read.  I'm sure I am the only one with this issue. Right? Or is it issues? The issue of controlling my desire to eat, and the issue of shame, wanting to keep it to myself. To make it my own private struggle.  These are thoughts for future posts, so I will just save them for now.

I'm posting again because I have new things to share and because I believe in new beginnings. I believe that God is gracious and forgiving. He allows new beginnings, second chances, third chances, and so on and on. Therefore, I will give myself grace and forgiveness. I will allow myself a new beginning, a second chance, and a third chance, and so on and on.

In the middle of the night about six weeks ago, my new beginning began. In my next post I will share the story of my new beginning.